I think I messed up…

I feel like I gave my life up for my boyfriend and he doesn’t even care. I’m so confused. I don’t even know how to explain how I’m feeling. I just wish I could go back in time so I wouldn’t let him have this much affect on me. I literally can’t imagine my life without him and it makes me feel pathetic because he seems fine when he’s not with me but I’m like a wreck. And all I really want is to be able to talk to my old best friends again about random things, and I just truly want to be happy. I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. I just want to stay in bed all day, listen to music, eat food and read. But my parents won’t let me do that, and it’s annoying. I’d be so much happier because then I wouldn’t see my other ex-girlfriends hanging out with their friends and actually having a good time. I still have a couple of good friends but none of them consider me to be their best friend even though I think of some of them as my closest friends. It’s pretty messed up, but it’s my fault. I always screw everything up. I don’t even know how I did what I did but I just wish I could wash it all away, and wash my feelings away. At this point I’d rather be numb.